Hard to remember to do it everyday. Hard to think of three things that went well when I feel like crap. Really hard to do after a half hour of yelling back and forth with the husband and the boy over undone homework and lower grades than he should be getting. That was last night.
All the way up to then, yesterday was a good day. Two good classes, lunch with friends, a peaceful interlude with netflix on the sofa but it ended badly. Parenting is so hard sometimes.
Today, what went well? Accomplishments were: clean sheets on the bed and two loads of laundry done and a pot of chicken stock made. And then there was dinner out with my husband in which I asked for some help in doing things that I should be doing to help alleviate this fucking depression. Like go for a walk. Like encourage me to call for a different therapist. It’s so hard to ask for help; I feel like such a failure. I feel like I should be able to fix it myself and while I know that is a load of bullshit I can’t seem to eradicate that feeling.
I want to feel joy again. I miss joy.