Posted by: Karen (Betty Bear) | March 2, 2015

Thinking and Rethinking

So I’m thinking this three things that went well isn’t really working for me. It just seems sort of silly – some days are going to have a bunch of things that went well and others days, not so much. So since writing is supposed to help with depression, I’m just going to try to write a post every few days and to put in stuff that went well or things I’m grateful for.

I’m wondering why it is, when I’m alone I can feel that heavy weight of depression holding me down, making me want to cry, gluing me to the sofa, but when I’m with other people I can pull myself together and be cheerful and conversational. Of course, afterwards I’m exhausted but still . . .  I’m wondering what it is we don’t know about depression and other mental illnesses. Why do they happen to some people and not others? Why is it something relatively mild may trigger a depressive episode and something way more major may not? Why is the mind body connection? Why is the chemistry that happens and how? What are the genetic links and how does that work? We have theories, but we really don’t have much in the way of hard facts for any of this, which makes it all that much more irritating. I really like facts; I like to know why and how stuff happens and this just frustrates me.

In other news, I did do yoga today and meditate although it was way too windy too walk. And I made chicken mole which I’ve never made before. I’m telling you, it’s a lot of work. And messy. But fairly tasty. But next time I make it, it’s going to be when the man is home and can take over some of the stirring and chopping and pureeing.

Now, a good night’s sleep would be good without bad or weird dreams. I dreamed that I was in prison, that I was at my father’s funeral, and that someone was criticizing my new t-shirt and oddly enough they all had the same emotional weight to them. Dreams are strange creatures sometimes . . .

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