Posted by: Karen (Betty Bear) | February 23, 2015

Thoughts on depression

I just watched an incredibly powerful TED talk by Andrew Solomon on depression and sobbed most of the way through it. Here is the link Just so articulate about how it feels and trying to make sense of it. He says that the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s vitality. YES.

I’m currently struggling with how public to make my depression. My immediate family knows, a couple of RL friends and a large group of internet friends although not my public facebook friends and family. My parents don’t know. It’s not that I’m ashamed, particularly, it’s more the knowledge that some will be dismissive and then there’s Mom. She is a worrier and it’s only gotten worse as she’s gotten older. She’s also someone who thinks that stuff is her fault when it comes to her kids – she will feel that she is to blame for causing this in some way by her defective parenting (which really wasn’t). I really would like her support but I so don’t want to have to feel her guilt. And so I am hiding a large part of myself from her, which isn’t good for me. If it were one of my kids going through this, I would want to know, but I also understand that there isn’t any real cause, it’s not my fault, and support and understanding are all I can offer. So it’s a dilemma.

(Brief aside on the comedy taking place outside my window as I write. There’s piles of snow out there which got melty yesterday and then froze overnight creating a glaze on top. The birds at the bird feeder land on the pile and slide off, flapping frantically and looking remarkably silly.)

Today’s plan: go do yoga, walk the street with the dog, make spaghetti sauce and clean out under the sink.


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