Posted by: Karen (Betty Bear) | October 25, 2012

Emo info dump

If you haven’t read my blog before, this is not the post to start with. I’m just doing an info dump of all the stuff that’s going on in my life, much of which is stressing me out to no end. For those of you who do read this, I’m sorry for dumping, but it needs to come out.
Yes, I did go to Bouchercon and had a great, although exhausting time, and I will post about that. After I got back, my parents came to visit, which was great and we had a really good visit except I was exhausted from Bouchercon and kept staying up to talk with mom. Then my husband went to France, which sounds much nicer that it really is. It’s pretty  much meetings from breakfast through late dinners and not enough sleep. He said the only good part is the food is good.

So there he is in France and I’m getting emails and phone calls from California where his dad lives. He has been in and out of the hospital for the last month or so and now is back in. (Here is my post on my father-in-law.) His wife (my mother-in-law died 15 years ago and he has since remarried) is hysterical thinking he is dying any minute, his daughter is all “oh it’s not that bad” and I’m not getting good enough information to really get a handle on what is going on. So I call France (thank you baby Jesus that his company got the cell phones on the include Europe plan for the time they are there) and talk to my poor husband who then has to call his sister and try and get some sense out of her. He’s over there not knowing if he needs to leave early and just fly all the way to California or what. So yesterday he does finally get her to take some time out of her schedule to go to the hospital and talk to her father and the doctors and find out what is going on. Nothing good, but death is not immediately imminent. Probably a month or two. And because his wife is an emotional basket case there is a conspiracy in the rest of the family to not keep her fully informed. I HATE and loathe those kinds of conspiracies but that is very par for the course in that family and it’s not my call to make. So there’s that.

Then, back on the home front, the Pit of Despair is quickly becoming the sunroom of loveliness and the patio and walkways of beauty. Which is good. Really. It’s just that creating the sunroom of loveliness involves much, much hammering and sawing, and the patio and walkways require much stone cutting (as in ow, ow, ow my ears are bleeding!). And it stresses me out to have strange men in and around my house all the time. They have all been friendly and respectful and are going a great job so I don’t really have concerns for my safety, it just weirds me out to have them here especially when I need to take a shower. And there is the additional stress of oh, my god, I have to make decisions on lights and placement of stuff and furniture and a ceiling fan and window treatments and do I want a rug and, and, and, , ,  I hate to shop. I’m a terrible shopper. We are totally fortunate in that we can afford to do this, which I so realize, but all my generations of frugal Yankee genes keep jumping up and down in my DNA telling me that spending money is wrong.

And then there’s politics. This election is stressing me out so, so much. I can’t think why anyone in their right mind would vote for Romney, but obviously lots of people do. Don’t comment on this paragraph, I’m probably doing another post on it.

Then there is minor stuff like girl child is taking driving lessons. I have total faith that she will be a careful driver, but there is all those other lunatics out on the road who won’t watch out for her. Boy child is turning 13 this weekend and he’ll be in West Point with his boy scout troop so I don’t know when we will actually celebrate his becoming a teenager (God help me).

So there you go. Mostly my life is good and I’m trying to remember the gratitude I have for that, but every once in a while it all feels like it’s going to come crashing down.  And I’m grieving, mostly for my husband losing his father which just hurts my heart so much.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening.



  1. Ah, Karen, I’m so sorry there is so much sturm und drang going on in your life right now. I’m sorry for your husband and his father and his whole family; no matter what your age, losing your last parent makes you an orphan and you feel it. Girl child will be fine; boy child will be fine; as will you and your husband. Call me if you need to vent some more.

    At least the house stuff is coming along! If I lived closer I’d LOVE to go shopping with you. Shopping for house stuff is even more fun than shopping for clothing! 🙂

    You take care now.

    • Thank you, Skye. All of this going on is why I haven’t been in good touch with you. And, dang, I’d love a shopping companion. My head just about exploded in the light store looking at lights and ceiling fans.

  2. Ohhh, poor baby! That’s a lot of plates to keep spinning at once, my friend. (For those of you not old enough to remember the Ed Sullivan show, imagine keeping six or seven plates spinning on top of wobbly poles.)

    You’ll love the Sunny room once it’s done, but I understand having workmen around when you’re in the shower. Makes us feel vulnerable. I came out of the shower the other day and walked into my bedroom naked to get my clothes. I didn’t know that the plumber’s staff was outside my bedroom windows working on my neighbors’ sewer connection. Luckily I have Bahama style awning/shutters so they didn’t actually see more of me than I wanted.

    Big hugs about your father in law. That sucks and it’s upsetting. Makes your heart hurt which just adds to all of the other stress.

    All I can say is breathe, honey, and look for the bright spots in life.

    Some of my favorite people go to Bouchercon. My friends Heather Graham and Alex Sokoloff were there among several others. I might need to go one year just because it sounds like fun.

    • Lots of spinning plates. Good image! and thanks.

      Next year B’con is in Albany, NY. If you fly to NJ we can drive up together. hint. hint.

  3. Oh sweetie. Big hugs.

    PS – I keep thinking I should have gone to BCon this year and sure enough, even more of my favorite people were there than I realized!

  4. I’ve had the trip-to-europe-with-dying-parent-in-hospital and the thoroughly-nice-worker-guys-who-are-still-driving-me-crazy but not both together. Good grief it’s a wonder you could even put together a coherent sentence. *hugs* sweetie. It will get better.

  5. Awww…hectic sucks.Plus the sunroom thing should be fun in theory but it’s really a crapload of pressure plus you are in teh crock pot of drama with your dh’s family while he is stranded far away from you! Hugs and more hugs and possibly a recommendation that you cuddle up under your softest blanket with a mug of cocoa and a book or the remote.

    • Excellent idea! except they FIND me there!! But, yes, there has been escaping into books and movies a bit which helps.

  6. Oh, Karen — you’re riding the whirlwind. Stay strong — this too shall pass.

  7. Gah!!! All I could think about was how the hell are you doing this with Husband in a foreign land? You ARE a Mama Bear!

    Here’s my assvice, Me Time Breaks. (I just invented this, so it’s new to all of us.) You stop what you’re doing several times a day and sit for three minutes. Go to a beautiful place, or come visit one of us, in your mind. Use a non-harsh timer, *A* has one with Tibetan Bowls. Release all of this pressure each time you do the meditation. MAKE time for this! We can ALL afford three minutes. Also, use that visualization of the huge fire hoses for washing away stress. And you have a pool class to act as letting go point too.

    Last thing, thank you for sharing your situation with us. When we do that, it lessens the load for everyone. And the support ain’t bad either.

    • The timer is on her phone, sorry, left that part out.

    • Good ass-vice. And yes, sharing helped quite a bit. And supportive comments help even more.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: