seeking validation

I just had a realization about this blog. And about comments I post on others. A rather shameful realization. It’s not just about the connections and interweb friendships they create (although I’m loving that). There is a big part of me that is hoping for validation. Yes! I want you to say – how insightful was that comment by you! How brilliant your observations! How excellent your advice! Because that big part of me feels like what I write/feel/say isn’t any good unless someone else says it is. This is not really healthy. The thing is, I need to develop my own internal validation. I need to develop my own feelings of self-worth. I mean, mostly I do feel reasonable worthy but I seem to continually want shoring up by others. I’m finding myself obsessively looking at my site stats, wondering why 41 people showed up Monday to read but only 6 on Wednesday. Did they hate what they read? Do they think I’m an idiot driveling into the ether? Perhaps it would be better for me if I could just hide the site stats altogether, because basing my self-worth on the validations of others will always leave me trying to be something, do something, write something to measure up to someone else’s standards. And I don’t even really know what those standards are. The comments on others’ posts I suppose really are for them and their readers, but does it really matter if my comments are ignored? It shouldn’t, should it? But my blog here is for me. I need to remember that it is for me and it’s really a bonus if anyone else likes what I write. It’s really a cheap form of therapy.

But then there is validation that we are not alone. Allie Brosh of Hyperbole & a Half (I love her blog with a deep and abiding love) posted a brilliant examination of her recent bout with depression. The comments from readers were almost entirely either – 1) you’ve just described how I feel, or 2) I’m so sorry you felt that, with the occasional 3) you are so funny. That is a totally different kind of validation. One that builds us up by acknowledging our connections, our similarities. Validating our common humanity, in fact. I think a lot of the communication on the interwebs are seeking this kind of validation. So if I’m trying for that, that’s good, right? Throwing my crap out there and hoping that someone chimes in with “I feel your pain,”  “I rejoice in your happiness,” or whatever response would say “you are not alone in this.” Don’t we all want to feel less alone? Well, okay, except for the occasional if my kids don’t shut up and leave me alone to pee in peace kind of thing. What do you think? Do you get validation from blogging? Writing? Inquiring minds want to know.