Posted by: Karen (Betty Bear) | October 4, 2011

grocery shopping rant

Example of an American grocery store aisle.

Image via Wikipedia

Grocery store rant: starting in the parking lot. See those white lines? They are not decoration, they are for you to park your vehicle between. If you can’t make that happen, either please go get driving lessons, or buy a smaller vehicle. Moving on into the store. I’m happy for you that you found a friend in the store. Really. But could you please not block the aisle with your carts while you chat and then snarl “WHAT?” at me when I ask if I may please get by. There is a lovely cafe upstairs if you would like to chat for a while. Blocking aisles two: I truly understand comparison shopping. I do it myself. But please try to allow others to go past while you try to decipher the fine print. Blocking aisles three: I get that your wife sent you to the store without a detailed enough list for you. But when you call her to ask if Kosher salt is the same as Sea salt, do try to keep your cart over to the side. (BTW, not the same) While I’m on the subject of carts, please do not let your child shove your cart into other people. It really, really hurts. And if you do, please do not then apologize in a super snarky tone of voice that basically says, my child is perfect and you should be grateful for the opportunity to be bruised by him or her and why were you in my precious darling’s way anyway?

Deep breath. Breathing in . . . . . . .breathing out . . . . . . .

On the other hand, thank you dear grocery store for understanding the difference between “fewer” and “less” and using “10 items or fewer” on those lanes so I don’t have to have my inner grammarian twitch every time I see it.

*rule is: if you can count it, it’s fewer; if you can’t (like air or water) it’s less. And please, please, please don’t say, like boy child, aka the arguementarian, but technically you can count the molecules in air or water so couldn’t it be fewer?

Thank you for listening. I feel better now.



  1. Excellent rant!!! Well done, and oh man, I thought only *I* gave birth to Mr Know Every Damn Thing Son! Lol, glad I’m not alone, but sorry it’s you that gets to share this honor with me. Blessing …and a curse.

    • I should never go shopping hungry and cranky. Son is not so much Know Every Damn Thing as he is Nothing I Can’t Find Some Way to Argue About. or something like that. Blessing and curse indeed!

  2. I think my red hair actually helps with this. If I make eye contact with someone they move their cart, and I smile to let them know they will not have to experience a scene (or get cut) today. It’s all very cordial. As for myself, I try to remember my ass isn’t the ONLY ONE in the grocery store and I keep my cart to the side accordingly. Too bad I am one of the few to note this little detail 🙂

    • I just don’t look very threatening. Brownish-blondish hair just doesn’t have the same impact.

  3. Gah– we ran into the parking lot issue half a dozen times in Seattle this weekend, where parking places are often scarce. So you have to park in the one parking place where both people next to you don’t know how to park. And then when they leave, it looks like YOU don’t know how to park. If I lived in a big city, I would get one of those little mini coopers in a heartbeat. my favorite grocery store rant is when there are five people in line, but the friendly checker has a nice little chat with each customer AFTER she hands them the check. Small town-ness. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes you just want smack them.

    • I LOVE those little Mini Coopers. I just can’t quite figure out how to fit two kids, a dog and a husband in them.

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